Match Day

Our Match Day anniversary is today. We celebrated with Sam, David and Jarrah at California Pizza Kitchen. The girls were so happy to see each other. We were there for two whole hours, a new record for us! It was a wonderful evening!

It is hard to believe that we received that photo a year ago. It seems like yesterday that we were conferencing with our parents at school and my cell phone rang. I saw that area code from Colorado and knew that our lives were about to change. An indescrible excitement came over me as I rushed to Paul's classroom, excusing myself from a conference. Thank goodness for understanding parents.

We printed out dozens of one photo that was sent to us in an email right after the phone call. I remember that Paul had it up on his computer the whole day. Everyone at school was so sweet and excited for us. The whole day felt surreal.

When I first saw her photo, I felt detached. I know this is common. I think what I was really feeling was anxiety. Would I love this baby? Would she love me? Would I be a good mom? Would I make really big mistakes with her? I guess it might have a felt a little like the day that someone finds out they are pregnant. Elation, fear, hope, all rolled together.

My worries about bonding with her and her bonding with us were "for naught" as they say. She is unbelieveable. Being a parent is unbelieveable and also the very hardest thing I have ever done. Paul and I are amazed at every little thing she learns, remembers and delights in. I stare at her all the time. I am sure one day she will notice and ask me to stop. I feel like I am forever trying to capture her essence, like on film, but only in mind. I don't want to forget any of it.

It seems in a way that she isn't the same little person in that photo. As if that is a different baby altogether. But I know better. She is that baby. She's our baby.